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family and career Balance in relationships, unhappy couple

Snow White, Cinderella and the pinky swear: 5 Steps to relationship balance

Balance in relationships, unhappy couple

Remember our princesses’ stories in which the prince woke up Snow White? Or the other prince –or was it the same prince? – was able to fit Cinderella’s foot into the crystal shoe? Finding a great relationship or getting married isn’t the end of the race. It’s actually the beginning of a new chapter in your life, with new rewards and new commitments.

Entrepreneur Yasmine Robles shares with us that she is up early morning and works till all hours of the night. Being the CEO of her own website design and branding company, Robles Design is bitter sweet. She loves her career but feels resentment for lack of time because she wished she could spend more of it with her husband as a couple and be there for him and his goals while being with their kids and taking “me” time.

So how do you balance your partner, your family, long hours at work and time to yourself?

You create it. No worries, easier said than done but you’re in luck today because I am giving you my best steps so you can stop feeling frustrated about having to juggle it all and not getting anywhere. Here goes!

Step 1

Make an HONEST assessment. So what’s really going on? Is all the arguing and blaming really about you working late hours or is it that he is still resentful because what you said about his mother or are you trying to stay away because you no longer feel a connection?

Be honest. Once these issues are addressed, then everything will easily fall in place or will actually give you a fighting chance. Because as long as you don’t deal with the underlying reasons for the feuding or late nights at work then there will never be peace.

Also, what are your new goals? At the beginning of the relationship we know all about our partner, their hopes and dreams. Then, as the years pass, we don’t even ask anymore; even worse, we assume. So take this time to share each other’s goals as individuals and as a couple. Is this vision where you see yourself at this time?

Upset couple lying side by side in bedStep 2

Make a plan together. Now that the underlying reason is out of the way, what are your needs? What are his or her needs? Where can you compromise? Find the sweet spot. Don’t think of it as giving in, think of it as trying something new. It’s ok if the new plan isn’t exactly what you expected or you aren’t sure is going to work but you are willing to give it a shot. It takes two to build a relationship. Remember, this isn’t the end all be all, this is just a plan for right now and it will take form. ALWAYS look at the bigger picture……….and that’s LOVE.

Get resources, family, friends, a nanny, a housekeeper once a month. Get creative. Stop making excuses.

PS: While you are making the plan, if too much fighting or power games ensue, ask yourself if you are playing out the same unhealthy dynamics of your parents? NO BUENO. You must look at the underlying symptoms.

Step 3

Keep your promises. Remember when we were kids, how important it was when we did a pinky swear and it counted? Remember those times. You might have to say no to working late, you might have to learn to call it a day. It might not feel natural at first but take a stand for your relationship. As Adam Toren says in Entrepreneur.com, “Don’t backslide. Once you find yourself in a good situation, or even find the person of your dreams, it’s easy to think, ‘Well, that’s taken care of,’ and jump right back into your business full-time. Understand that another person in your life isn’t a project you can set aside until you’re ready to work on it. You’ve made a commitment, with the attendant’s responsibilities.” This is so true!

Step 4

“No” is a complete sentence. The truth is there will be months where there is more biz than love life, or more family time than girl time… and for those times… BREATHE… and ACCEPT… You are doing your best. And you don’t have to do it all, you can choose what makes you happier… Release any shame, sister.

Step 5Busy Woman with Baby

Remember what’s truly important in your life. No one ever said on their death bed, “Damn, I wish I would have stayed late to hand in that report.” It’s more like, “I am so happy we got to spend all that time together, and that we took that trip to Jamaica.” Well, I made that one up but seriously, Bronnie Ware, an inspiring woman and author of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” mentions the second biggest regret is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

In her words…

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

(Now, it’s us women who end up on the “treadmill of a work existence.”)

Extra

It’s simple. Not easy but simple. If you have a great partner and a wonderful family, make time for them. If you don’t think you have a great partner ask yourself, is it because we don’t spend enough time together and have I forgotten what made me fall in love with this person in the first place? Remember LOVE must be nourished. But if you give your all and your partner still doesn’t meet you half way, it’s time to reevaluate the big picture. You can only carry the relationship alone for so long before it sucks the life out of you.

 

lower your stress

4 Reasons why working from home is better for business

TrafficFor straight nine years, I used to commute at least one hour each way by car or by train to work. Now that I work as a consultant, I’m grateful for being alive after driving all those 40,000 miles a year under any road and/or personal circumstances. Not only snow or rain can become dangerous conditions during a daily commute but sleepiness, being “under the weather,” extreme personal stress and traffic complications can turn any commuter into a really miserable person.

Being at the office is a concept of the past, not only for Millennials –the generation that is changing for good the way “working relations work”- but also, for businesses as well as employees if they can negotiate certain aspects of the working relationship.

Today, many companies can decrease not only overhead expenses but also benefit from increased productivity, creativity and lower turnaround rates as long as they can intelligently offer their employees the option to work from home.

  1. Increased productivity: You will need the discipline to set up a regular working schedule, and show that no matter what, you are “connected.” Working from home means you might have to work while you are sick, on weekends or Holidays, long night hours or take fewer vacation times. Businesses that need constant feed of productive work –writers, social media managers, PR, long distance instructors and trainers, customer service, sales, fundraisers, telemarketers and the like– can highly benefit from these killer schedules or time zone differences.
  2. More room for creativity: Graphic designers, architects, journalists and other writers, PMs, translators, transcriptionists, and techies and app developers can greatly benefit from less distractions such as office meetings, the cubicle scene, phones ringing and the office gossip. Some of these jobs require that you “get in the zone” to be productive.
  3. Less interpersonal conflict: Distance can make a great buffer for management/employee conflict. A person’s short-comings can become Attractive twenties hispanic brunette woman on laptopannoying in the office where the contact is daily, while they can be an anecdote when there is a virtual relationship.
  4. A happy employee is a loyal employee: There are perks to working from home, of course, the 15-second commute and the flexible schedule being just a couple of them. Once the “working from home curve” is over –setting up a schedule that works for everybody, meetings, networking, travel or any other routine that needs set up–, it usually entices people to stay around and not jump from job to job.

Although it is true that not all occupations are suitable for telecommute, finding those tasks that are repetitive, need no interaction with someone else or you can ace on your own without supervision might be a way to re-establish a good weekly flow and allow you to negotiate one or two days a week to work from home. Think it through, make a plan and offer a “transitional period” to your boss. Also, be ready to compromise and prove yourself. Good luck!