Setting boundaries at work

3 Ways to stop being a doormat, manage boundaries at work

Jennifer Castaneda, LIBizus Hypnocoach for Empowered Women

Jennifer Castaneda, LIBizus Hypnocoach for Empowered Women

As a Women’s Empowerment Coach who specializes in Love, I have seen women usually take two stances at work: The aggressive, power-driven, stay all night, work on weekends always-say-yes-to-the-boss kind of worker or the passive wallflower who goes to work and then straight home, does what she needs to do but is never considered for promotions or raises.

You might be falling into one of these categories or a blend of both.   Either way, the truth is, your needs aren’t being met. Even worse, if you don’t set healthy boundaries, you may not yet realize how negatively this is affecting your romantic life and relationships.

Do any of these situations sound familiar?

1. You never say no, or you say it only rarely

And when you do say no, you second guess yourself a million times or feel guilty. You may also say yes, then claim, “It’s no problem” but then you get really upset when you aren’t recognized for it.

The truth is the company you work for was probably there before you and will be running just fine after you. The other truth is that companies have their own agenda and will get the resources the best way they know how. For example, single workers without kids get asked to come in more, stay later or work on the last-minute “emergencies” more than coworkers who are parents?

Unmarried people are required to stay more often because they figure they have nothing better to do and they don’t have the same level of responsibilities as parents. Some companies even offer four hours of paid time off for parents to go to their children’s school functions but they don’t offer the same for going to your nephews or nieces recitals.

Do you see what I am getting at?

What to do: I am not advocating to be reckless with your job and never help, but I recommend to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF. They will find a temporary replacement if needed and they will find a way to work it out, trust me. You can’t blame them for YOU not taking time off. So say it with me “NO.” “I’d love to help but I have a previous engagement that needs to be taken care of immediately,” –even if your previous engagement is a Netflix marathon or so much-needed rest.

If your workplace balance is off with saying no, it’s probably safe to say you also don’t have boundaries in other areas of your life. By putting your “No” into place, it could be the beginning of a beautiful change for you.

2. You haven’t received a raise, bonus, recognition or promotion for a long time

Have you been working your butt off? Going over and beyond and no compensation. We as women love to nurture and give our all, our time, knowledge and gifts. Sometimes we think it would be selfish to give and ask for something in return. But this is unhealthy in the workplace and can indicate weak boundaries. So if you haven’t been offered compensation for your great work and great evaluation, STOP and ask yourself: What’s stopping me from asking? Don’t hide behind the “I know they will say no.”

What to do: Think what you would want? Is it money? Is it the ability to work from home one day a week? Have a plan A and a plan B if they can’t offer you A right away. Also, ask for what you need from a matter a fact way vs. an aggressive way.

For example, “Ms. Lopez, I have been working here for x time; since that time I have helped with a, b and c and have been part of accomplishing d, e, f for the company and my work has been on point. I’d like US to consider extra compensation at this time, what are your thoughts?”

Setting boundaries at work

3. Your boss or coworkers constantly question you and your decisions or berate you

It is customary in many work settings for managers or supervisors to micro-manage or constantly question their workers. Sometimes this can cause problems with trust and productivity.

Someone constantly questioning your work or micro-managing can cause your confidence and self-esteem to be affected. Your relationship with this person can ultimately deteriorate. You will not want to share your creativity or ideas; you may isolate and begin performing worse. Sometimes your boss may not realize they are doing this and sometimes they may not care.

What to do: Usually micro-managing comes from worry, fear or miscommunication. You may have one goal while your boss has a different one in mind. In this case, try the following: 1. Let them know you want them to feel confident in your work and that you are on their team 2. Let them know you worry you may not be on the same page, 3. You’d like to feel trusted. Don’t blame them or tell them what they are doing wrong. Focus on you, what you feel, and what you would like to happen.

If there is no communication with this person then it’s time to start looking for a healthier environment. Remember a toxic place can and will start affecting your behavior with your loved ones as well.

Sometimes this is easier said than done AND yet it’s possible! If this is you and you need some help to stop this insanity you are invited to book a powerful session with me to get you into empowerment. I give three sessions a month, and August has one spot left just for you!

Lori Cheek

Cheek’d CEO Lori Cheek shares on the business of dating

As your dating coach, I was lucky enough to snag an invite to this amazing soiree with Lori Cheek, a Digital Dating Disruptor, Founder & CEO of Cheek’d, and get the low down on the latest dating app. But I got so much more than that and I am sharing it all with you.

Lori Cheek

Lori Cheek, the dating app founder

“Prior to launching Cheek’d, I worked in architecture, furniture and design for 15 years for companies such as Christian Dior, Vitra & Karkula. Trained as an architect, I began my career with multiple project management roles in New York City focusing on architectural interiors. A few years ago, I came up with an idea that led me into the NYC World of Tech and I’m loving life more than ever.” (From TEDx Fulton Street )

Plenty of beauty, brains and grit were delivered by former Shark Tank contestant Lori Cheek at a fireside chat with founder Zenaida Lorenzo. Lori talked about the truth that must go into the plight of a successful entrepreneur as she shared with the audience her latest startup “Cheekd,” a dating app that makes missed connections obsolete. This event was made possible by the collaboration of Ali Curi, Founder of Hispanic Professionals Networking Group (HPNG) and Paul Snatchki of Joynture, an innovative workspace in the heart of Wall Street.

Yes the app is amazing and FREE to download!  If you have an Apple device, you want to download it right away! It helps make REAL TIME connections. (Android version coming up soon.)

(L to R) Zoraida Lorenzo, Danny Sanchez, Lori Cheek, Ali Curi and our LIBizus coach Jennifer Castaneda

(L to R) Zoraida Lorenzo, Danny Sanchez, Lori Cheek, Ali Curi and our LIBizus coach Jennifer Castaneda

How many times are you at the gym or coffee shop and you run in and out and don’t even look around because you are on your phone or super distracted? Well now your phone alerts you in real time when there are people you may be interested in right around the corner!

Cheek’d ensures you’ll “Never Miss A Connection.” It works on a train, plane, pretty much anywhere; you get notifications in real time if someone within 30 feet of your location meets your dating criteria.

But here is the kicker: it has to be mutual!

I love this app’s idea because the truth is we are missing out on what’s around us, on what’s present.  Lori’s moment of inspiration came when she witnessed a handsome architect leave his card with a woman he didn’t even know in hopes she’d give him a call.  This sparked something in her, this connection between strangers that wouldn’t have otherwise happened.

She realized this interaction is missed hundreds and hundreds of times a day due to fear, time and just plain “life”.  She shared, “I feel it’s so hard to meet people, especially at online dating sites! There is a personal touch that is lost,” she said, and joking she added that it took her up to 17 hours once to set up one dating site for herself.  She said, “Pay attention to what’s around you and you could find that your love is right here!”

As for the grit I mentioned earlier, Lori has plenty of it. When she decided to take the entrepreneur’s leap, she never looked back.  She sold her lovely designer wardrobe to stay afloat, then rented out her gorgeous apartment and lived with friends to keep her dream alive.

You've been cheekd with Lori Cheek at Shark Tank

You’ve been cheek’d with Lori Cheek at Shark Tank

When she was voted off Shark Tank on National TV, well, she KEPT GOING.  When asked if she ever thought about quitting she said, “As an entrepreneur you have to be a little crazy; I never wanted to quit, there’s no turning back, even if this version doesn’t work I will pivot because I KNOW this is what’s missing.”

She goes on to say something I am sure we can all relate to, “I felt like I never really fit in with my hair, clothes, or personality.” In her previous life, she felt she needed to fit into a box. At the beginning she didn’t even know how to run a business but now she is getting paid to live her own dream.

She can be who she wants to be and would do ANYTHING she needs to do to figure things out and make it work.  “Every day I come up with new ideas to figure things out. They may not all work; yes, you will hit road blocks but you have to continue figuring things out. If you want things bad enough you have to keep moving,” she shared with the audience.

Dedication, perseverance and of course the willingness to take risks are important factors in building a business. Her final advice is to have by your side a great team of people who believe in you and your dream. “I would say the same about your partner and other relationships in your life.  A boyfriend or husband that doesn’t believe in your dreams can really weigh you down,” she concluded.

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Jennifer Castaneda profile3

For her introduction to LIBizus, Jen is offering three (3) mini sessions “Find your Blind Spots in Love” (40-minute session) where she will help women discover the #1 biggest challenge in their love life, and give advice on how to proceed.  If you are interested in contacting Jennifer for one of these coaching sessions, please leave your name and email address below or Like Us on our Facebook page, leaving your contact information, and she will be happy to speak with you and give you sound advice and an exciting new start!

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