I don’t believe the old sayings that “Amor de lejos es para los pendejos” or “Amor de lejos felices los cuatro” because I know two lovely friends that fell for someone during a trip and after happy long-distance relationships they got married.
I was honored to attend the wedding of one of them. The couple actually met on a plane. She was a nurse and he was in the military, both with very demanding careers. But many of these tips I want to share with you were aspects they prioritized. So now if you meet a great guy during one of your business trips, these are nine tips on how to make long-distance relationships work.
- State what your hopes are from the beginning and what your commitment is. Even if it’s one phone call every 3 days at 7pm. Relationships need some sort of routine. Some couples work on anti-routine but it’s still their routine. So you guys develop a routine you can can’t on.
- Be open to feeling off sometimes and be ready to communicate.
- Don’t think you have to read each other minds; be honest on how you feel.
- Be creative. Send them gifts, hand-written letters and videos of you.
- The scariest thing usually in long-distance relationships is “will he/she forget about me?” and “what is she/he doing now?” Neither of those thoughts are about LOVING or being there for each other and that’s what you need to focus on. Remember you can’t control them but you can control what you do so send quick videos, Facetime and make sure you stay present and happy in your own life.
- Try to make trips to see each other, not only to your hometowns but to a place neither of you have been to. That way it will create intimacy and trust between each other. You will have something of your own.
- If you feel them backing off, back off too, they might need some space to integrate this new change for them it doesn’t necessarily mean they met someone else, so let them know. “I noticed if you haven’t been calling on your usual days, I want to be there for you so I’m just checking in to see how you are?” vs “What the heck is going on, you don’t call anymore, has something changed with you?” because if they do need space, as a good friend let’s give it to them.
- By the same token if they are very in your space and constantly calling try not to push back. Just let them know, “I’ve noticed you called 6 times today and I feel like I need my space so can you call me once and leave a message and as soon as I can I’ll call you?” He/she may not even know what he’s doing and she/he’s just excited. No need to get scared and this is a great time for you to learn about yourself and having boundaries. And not running away when things are uncomfortable.
- Finally I’d suggest you both take Gary Chapman’s 5 Languages of Love http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ This will help both of you know how you like to be loved as individuals. This is a great benefit so the things you do to be loving or caring don’t fall on deaf ears. Especially with long distance relationships, it’s about quality not quantity.
And if you are still looking for some inspiration watch one of my favorites, Going The Distance with Drew Barrymore about long distance relationships. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1322312/