Remember our princesses’ stories in which the prince woke up Snow White? Or the other prince –or was it the same prince? – was able to fit Cinderella’s foot into the crystal shoe? Finding a great relationship or getting married isn’t the end of the race. It’s actually the beginning of a new chapter in your life, with new rewards and new commitments.
Entrepreneur Yasmine Robles shares with us that she is up early morning and works till all hours of the night. Being the CEO of her own website design and branding company, Robles Design is bitter sweet. She loves her career but feels resentment for lack of time because she wished she could spend more of it with her husband as a couple and be there for him and his goals while being with their kids and taking “me” time.
So how do you balance your partner, your family, long hours at work and time to yourself?
You create it. No worries, easier said than done but you’re in luck today because I am giving you my best steps so you can stop feeling frustrated about having to juggle it all and not getting anywhere. Here goes!
Make an HONEST assessment. So what’s really going on? Is all the arguing and blaming really about you working late hours or is it that he is still resentful because what you said about his mother or are you trying to stay away because you no longer feel a connection?
Be honest. Once these issues are addressed, then everything will easily fall in place or will actually give you a fighting chance. Because as long as you don’t deal with the underlying reasons for the feuding or late nights at work then there will never be peace.
Also, what are your new goals? At the beginning of the relationship we know all about our partner, their hopes and dreams. Then, as the years pass, we don’t even ask anymore; even worse, we assume. So take this time to share each other’s goals as individuals and as a couple. Is this vision where you see yourself at this time?
Make a plan together. Now that the underlying reason is out of the way, what are your needs? What are his or her needs? Where can you compromise? Find the sweet spot. Don’t think of it as giving in, think of it as trying something new. It’s ok if the new plan isn’t exactly what you expected or you aren’t sure is going to work but you are willing to give it a shot. It takes two to build a relationship. Remember, this isn’t the end all be all, this is just a plan for right now and it will take form. ALWAYS look at the bigger picture……….and that’s LOVE.
Get resources, family, friends, a nanny, a housekeeper once a month. Get creative. Stop making excuses.
PS: While you are making the plan, if too much fighting or power games ensue, ask yourself if you are playing out the same unhealthy dynamics of your parents? NO BUENO. You must look at the underlying symptoms.
Keep your promises. Remember when we were kids, how important it was when we did a pinky swear and it counted? Remember those times. You might have to say no to working late, you might have to learn to call it a day. It might not feel natural at first but take a stand for your relationship. As Adam Toren says in Entrepreneur.com, “Don’t backslide. Once you find yourself in a good situation, or even find the person of your dreams, it’s easy to think, ‘Well, that’s taken care of,’ and jump right back into your business full-time. Understand that another person in your life isn’t a project you can set aside until you’re ready to work on it. You’ve made a commitment, with the attendant’s responsibilities.” This is so true!
“No” is a complete sentence. The truth is there will be months where there is more biz than love life, or more family time than girl time… and for those times… BREATHE… and ACCEPT… You are doing your best. And you don’t have to do it all, you can choose what makes you happier… Release any shame, sister.
Remember what’s truly important in your life. No one ever said on their death bed, “Damn, I wish I would have stayed late to hand in that report.” It’s more like, “I am so happy we got to spend all that time together, and that we took that trip to Jamaica.” Well, I made that one up but seriously, Bronnie Ware, an inspiring woman and author of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” mentions the second biggest regret is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
In her words…
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
(Now, it’s us women who end up on the “treadmill of a work existence.”)
It’s simple. Not easy but simple. If you have a great partner and a wonderful family, make time for them. If you don’t think you have a great partner ask yourself, is it because we don’t spend enough time together and have I forgotten what made me fall in love with this person in the first place? Remember LOVE must be nourished. But if you give your all and your partner still doesn’t meet you half way, it’s time to reevaluate the big picture. You can only carry the relationship alone for so long before it sucks the life out of you.