3 Ways to stop being a doormat, manage boundaries at work

Jennifer Castaneda, LIBizus Hypnocoach for Empowered Women

Jennifer Castaneda, LIBizus Hypnocoach for Empowered Women

As a Women’s Empowerment Coach who specializes in Love, I have seen women usually take two stances at work: The aggressive, power-driven, stay all night, work on weekends always-say-yes-to-the-boss kind of worker or the passive wallflower who goes to work and then straight home, does what she needs to do but is never considered for promotions or raises.

You might be falling into one of these categories or a blend of both.   Either way, the truth is, your needs aren’t being met. Even worse, if you don’t set healthy boundaries, you may not yet realize how negatively this is affecting your romantic life and relationships.

Do any of these situations sound familiar?

1. You never say no, or you say it only rarely

And when you do say no, you second guess yourself a million times or feel guilty. You may also say yes, then claim, “It’s no problem” but then you get really upset when you aren’t recognized for it.

The truth is the company you work for was probably there before you and will be running just fine after you. The other truth is that companies have their own agenda and will get the resources the best way they know how. For example, single workers without kids get asked to come in more, stay later or work on the last-minute “emergencies” more than coworkers who are parents?

Unmarried people are required to stay more often because they figure they have nothing better to do and they don’t have the same level of responsibilities as parents. Some companies even offer four hours of paid time off for parents to go to their children’s school functions but they don’t offer the same for going to your nephews or nieces recitals.

Do you see what I am getting at?

What to do: I am not advocating to be reckless with your job and never help, but I recommend to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF. They will find a temporary replacement if needed and they will find a way to work it out, trust me. You can’t blame them for YOU not taking time off. So say it with me “NO.” “I’d love to help but I have a previous engagement that needs to be taken care of immediately,” –even if your previous engagement is a Netflix marathon or so much-needed rest.

If your workplace balance is off with saying no, it’s probably safe to say you also don’t have boundaries in other areas of your life. By putting your “No” into place, it could be the beginning of a beautiful change for you.

2. You haven’t received a raise, bonus, recognition or promotion for a long time

Have you been working your butt off? Going over and beyond and no compensation. We as women love to nurture and give our all, our time, knowledge and gifts. Sometimes we think it would be selfish to give and ask for something in return. But this is unhealthy in the workplace and can indicate weak boundaries. So if you haven’t been offered compensation for your great work and great evaluation, STOP and ask yourself: What’s stopping me from asking? Don’t hide behind the “I know they will say no.”

What to do: Think what you would want? Is it money? Is it the ability to work from home one day a week? Have a plan A and a plan B if they can’t offer you A right away. Also, ask for what you need from a matter a fact way vs. an aggressive way.

For example, “Ms. Lopez, I have been working here for x time; since that time I have helped with a, b and c and have been part of accomplishing d, e, f for the company and my work has been on point. I’d like US to consider extra compensation at this time, what are your thoughts?”

Setting boundaries at work

3. Your boss or coworkers constantly question you and your decisions or berate you

It is customary in many work settings for managers or supervisors to micro-manage or constantly question their workers. Sometimes this can cause problems with trust and productivity.

Someone constantly questioning your work or micro-managing can cause your confidence and self-esteem to be affected. Your relationship with this person can ultimately deteriorate. You will not want to share your creativity or ideas; you may isolate and begin performing worse. Sometimes your boss may not realize they are doing this and sometimes they may not care.

What to do: Usually micro-managing comes from worry, fear or miscommunication. You may have one goal while your boss has a different one in mind. In this case, try the following: 1. Let them know you want them to feel confident in your work and that you are on their team 2. Let them know you worry you may not be on the same page, 3. You’d like to feel trusted. Don’t blame them or tell them what they are doing wrong. Focus on you, what you feel, and what you would like to happen.

If there is no communication with this person then it’s time to start looking for a healthier environment. Remember a toxic place can and will start affecting your behavior with your loved ones as well.

Sometimes this is easier said than done AND yet it’s possible! If this is you and you need some help to stop this insanity you are invited to book a powerful session with me to get you into empowerment. I give three sessions a month, and August has one spot left just for you!

Jennifer Castaneda

About Jennifer Castaneda

Jennifer is an expert Dating Coach at AVConnexions, NJ's Premier Matchmaking Service. Her passion is to help women have clarity in their life, embody confidence and feel deep connection with themselves and others. Jennifer is a member and assistant of B.I.G. (Believe Inspire Grow), a dynamic networking group in New York City. The national organization helps broaden the resources and relationships of women who desire growth in both their personal and professional lives. She is also an expert dating coach contributor and workshop leader with New York Dating Life.
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